Life is much different out on your own. I know I've been on my own for more than a year now, but it hasn't hit me until this summer.
Living with Tara, I didn't have many responsibilities. It was much like living at home. I only had one bill, I lived with my boys and my aunt and uncle.
Ever since I was 15, my goal has been to get back to this neighborhood. Well, I'm back and more confused than ever.
I'm walking blindly through a forest called life and it's getting very overwhelming.
Bills suck.
Boys suck.
Like I said on facebook...I wish I could fast forward my life to where I know what I'm doing and I'm settled down.
I know I've always been against marriage but I think I've changed my mind. I want someone who will take care of me. I want someone I can take care of. I want to cook dinner for my husband and I want to be a stay at home mom.
There are good things in my life.
I have a few awesome friends. I've been cutting people out because I'm tired of people who make me feel like I'm not worth anything. So I'm happy with who I have right now. I've surrounded myself with people who love me and treat me like I matter.
I have an amazing family who is always there for me. My sisters rock. My parents rock. My extended family rocks.
I don't know what's going on in my head anymore....
2 comments:
leave yourself open to good...embrace the tender mercies that God sends you, if you watch for them, you'll see them everywhere. some as simple as a leaf floating down that you can take a moment to watch...just be still and live the moment. and go to church. tell the bishop you need a calling, that'll make sure you go. help your sister plan her party. maybe throw money in that savings account to go to school in january? the new semester is starting, go sign up for an institute class, i don't care which institute, i don't care what class (well, don't take the marriage classes yet). and think of something fun to do for your birthday, i'll be in utah for those days. i'm proud of you for drawing lines with people, just be careful drawing them that you don't make your world small...stretch your arms out, open yourself up to what God has for you. take the good from your experiences, own them..learn from the bad and then let those go. and i love you.
All I can say is, I've been on my own for a long time now, and I'm still just as confused, and most of the time I feel like I'm still 16, only without the bad homelife. Bills suck, get a good job. Can't? Go to school. There's your goal. Boys suck.. keep trying. Especially you, you rock - keep trying. Even when you find your boy, plan out your bills, and maybe someday have your own kids (if you want to).. they'll be asking you questions about life and it's surprising how you can answer them but still not know yourself.
But then that's me... pushing others to not despair in the goals I can't do for myself. :\
Besides. What's so good about being settled? Not that you want the craziness of uncertainty and stress about money... but you don't want settled, you want adventure. And you can have it, even with a 9-5 or school or family. ;)
PS. You live in Taylorsville. You work across the street from where Abbie lives. You guys should hang out sometime. A movie or something. LOL :D
love you!
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