I'm feeling very stressed this week. Not all of it is bad stress, just stress.

I'm moving next weekend. That is exciting and I am thrilled over the moon. It's a good thing, but moving always adds stress. Especially since I'll be out of state when I'm supposed to be moving. Which brings me to my big stress, a car.

My senior year of high school, my parents bought me a car. I love that car so much. Back in like November of 2010, I broke that car. Broke it to death. I completely destroyed the engine and it took us until very recently to get a new engine.

We thought it was just take the new engine and I'd get my car back, but that is far from the case. My dad has done hours of research and even more hours of work on my precious car. It has me worried to death because now I'm sure I broke it for good.

I am a lot like my mother, I worry. I worry a lot. Ask Emmitt, he'll confirm it. I've been scared that my car wouldn't get working and in that time, I've moved on. I've been looking at used vehicles within an affordable price range. The problem is, I can't get financing.

I have never had a credit card and I will not get one. I have never had a loan either so I have zero credit. I've been with my credit union almost all of my life so I was hoping they could help me out. Even with their highest interest rate, I can afford the monthly payments and have it paid off within 36 months. BUT, I have a new job. So they can't do anything without a cosigner.

No one else will help me without a cosigner.

Unless I can give a 40% down payment.

I don't have a 40% down payment right now and I'm trying to save for something else that will be very expensive so I don't know when I'd even be able to have that. I've been losing a lot of sleep. I'm tired and stressed and I think I may be giving myself an ulcer. So that sucks.

Father's Day

Today is a...different kind of day for me because I've had a different life than most people.

I'm not saying that most people grow up with a wonderful biological father in their home but my situation is pretty unique. Before I met Doug, there were two men who I had called "Dad". I was younger and oblivious to most of what was happening around me. 

I'm pointing this out only because my post is about the difference between a father and a dad. I don't want anyone to be confused by the fact that I don't call Doug "dad" to his face. I refer to him as my dad to others, but I think he deserves much more than the same name I used for two not so great men. That's all I'll say about that.

I know I had to wait 12 years for my dad, but it was well worth the wait. Doug is the peanut butter to my jelly. It is weird how alike we are. I know I'm not biologically his but I am spiritually his. He accepted me from the beginning and is the one person who helped me move on to accepting myself.

Today is father's day and I am happy for everyone who has a good relationship with their father. Unfortunately, my biological father is pretty much a disgusting human being. Even though I am not legally his daughter, he will forever be my biological father and that sucks. I am very jealous of Emmitt. His father is a great man and a spectacular father. I see so much of him in Emmitt and I honestly can't wait to see him with our kids when we have them. His dad has taught him so much and introduced him to his true love: fishing. They have a great bond and I'm excited to see the bond my kiddos will get with their father. I know they'll have a great one.

For the past few years I've called today "Dad's Day" and I'm going to again this year. Any man with a child is  a father, that takes no more than a few minutes of work. A dad puts work into his relationship with his child/children. He takes you to get ice cream when you're sad..he helps you buy your first car..he's there to crack jokes when you're in a bad mood...Doug is my dad. He's so much more than a father and I feel so lucky. I know my mom wishes things were different sometimes but I wouldn't change any of the bad times before we found Doug because without them, we might not have found him. 

Doug is not just my dad. He's one of my best friends. Even though he's four hours away, I'm glad he's so close. I may not be so lucky much longer. My parents are my world and I know no matter the distance, we'll still keep our great relationships. Without my mom, we would never have Doug so to both my parents and to all of you: Happy Dad's Day.

June 10th

Today sucks. 

Today marks the 15th year of my mom not having her mom. It really sucks not having my Grandma Taylor, but my mom doesn't have her mom. That breaks my heart into a million pieces. My mom is my best friend and I need her. She is so strong. Fifteen years ago a young man decided to drive after drinking and ran a stop sign. That man changed more than one life. He ended one. He changed the lives of my Grandpa and then 11-year old aunt who were in the car during the accident. He changed 8 other living siblings who no longer have their amazing mother to cheer them on. He changed the lives of all of us grandchildren and now great grandchildren. 

I don't have many memories of her but I am blessed to have some. Grandma always made you feel important. Grandma was always happy. She had an infectious laugh and the biggest heart ever. She was teeny tiny and beautiful. My Grandma was reunited with her son that day, I'm glad she got that. But my heart still hurts every time I hear someone complain about their mother. My mom is everything I love in life. My mom has a spectacular mother and she hasn't seen her in 15 years. 

My mom is number one on my frequently dialed numbers. I am one click away from her voice at all times. I can text her when she's in meetings and wear her sweatshirt when I'm sad. She sends me cookies and spends the night with me sometimes. I don't know how I would ever continue without her. A million good vibes being sent your way today Mom. I love you.

Part 2 of Why Today Sucks:

One year ago I met Emmitt. He came into my training class to help us pick schedules and I had no idea how he would end up changing my life. In the best way possible. Last night, we went on a great date. It's my last weekend with my parents' truck so we decided to hit the drive in theater to MIB 3. We took the cushions off both couches, brought a ton of pillows and a few big blankets. We then got pizza and a big giant soda. MIB 3 was amazing, it made me cry. First movie to ever do that. Maybe it's because I'm extra emotional lately, but it was really good. Definitely worth seeing in theaters.

Now to the sucky part. Just after midnight, during the beginning of the Avengers, my tummy started hurting. Emmitt asked if I wanted to go home but I said no because my tummy would still hurt at home. Then I started crying because I really didn't feel good so Emmitt decided that we should go home. The movie was making no sense to us anyway. So we head home and a few minutes after we get back, I threw up.

Not a fun experience. I thought it made me feel better and maybe that was all I needed but then I threw up again. And again. Emmitt was going to go to the gas station for me and during our conversation I threw up all over his carpet. Which made me cry but I still had to throw up more so I made my way to the bathroom. I took a quick shower and when I got out, Emmitt had already finished cleaning the carpet. He made sure I was okay and then left to get me a sprite. At 2 in the morning. He loves me.

While he was gone I just kept thinking about how much I wanted my mom, which made me cry more, because it's June 10th. I was a sad little sight. So I called Kim  because she's always awake. Kim was so nice to me and talked with me until Emmitt got back. I sipped on my sprite and cried some more. I was just confused because I couldn't tell if I was still sick or not, so Emmitt grabbed a bucket, walked me to bed, tucked me in and put the bucket within reaching distance. He even kissed me goodnight, on the lips! I love him so much. I slept for about an hour before feeling sick again. So I used the internet to pretend diagnose myself. I still have no idea what's wrong but now cancer and fallopian tube pregnancy are in the running. Thanks internet.

That's when I ended up here. At some point Emmitt will wake up and even if I'm still sick, he'll take care of me. He does that so well...maybe today won't be so sucky after all. :) 

Please Excuse Me While I Toot My Horn

Today was my first day on phones at UPS and I feel amazing. Anyone who knows me knows I get too nervous anytime anything new is happening. Well today, I was not nervous at all.

Nesting was today. The plan was for me to sit with an agent who had been at UPS for awhile and listen to them take calls for four hours, asking any questions I had. After that, it would be my turn to take calls for four hours, with the agent sitting with me for assistance. That was the plan.

They put me with a nice gal who has been working there a few months. The problem is, I freaking rock, so when she needed help, she didn't go to a supervisor, she came to me. When I was taking calls, she would tell me to put a customer on hold so I could get help. I ignored her politely because I did not need help, she would then ask me questions and write stuff down as I did it.

At one point she got up to get a sup because she was very confused with the situation I was dealing with. I told her I could handle it but she didn't see that possible. By the time she came back with help, I was already off the call. The supervisor was impressed with how well I handled it and let me know I did it correctly.

Needless to say, I taught that girl a lot today and she was sad to know I'll be on my own tomorrow. A supervisor let me know that I will be on his team and he had to fight to get me. I know I rock at my job and I am very happy.

I know I'm very confident and braggy but I have the balls to back it up.. figuratively.

Work...or is it?

This post is probably going to make me sound conceited but I'm posting it anyway.

To be clear, I still think this job is GREAT, but women suck. My class is 12 women and 1 gay man. I'm not being mean, he really is gay.

Needless to say, my class is full of drama.

The past two weeks have felt like school to me. I have a great time learning and everything is coming very easily to me. My self esteem is through the roof now that I'm working again (and my boyfriend treats me like a princess) and I guess people don't like that.

For the most part, I like people until they're not likable. There are two girls in my class, both are mothers and both have decided they hate me.

Whenever I open my mouth, they talk loudly over me...I know I open my mouth a lot but here, it's to ask questions.

Me asking questions helps me learn..which makes me ace every test with speed. So my mouth will not be closing. I'm not intimidated.

At first, I thought I was imagining this apparent rivalry, but people have started saying things to me. Like how the two women need to leave me alone and their jealously is asinine.

I don't brag or flaunt here, but I do think I'm someone awesome.

I also think it's sad when a teenager is being more mature than two thirty year olds.

Just a few more days of training!