That's right! I'm moving back to Taylorsville!!!
All of me is jumping for joy right now:)
I've been waiting for this day since...well since the day I left. I have lived in about a bajillion places, and for some reason, Taylorsville is my home. Would you like to know why? It's this little thing called: The Bennion 19th Ward.
They are the greatest group of people in the whole world and I mean that. There are fantastic people everywhere I've lived but I'm telling you, Bennion 19th Ward...they have my heart and they will forever.
It feels unreal that I'm actually going back there. I've been so jealous of Kim for making it back...and now I get to go back. With both of my big sisters:)
Life is good.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Help.
I know it's been awhile since I've blogged, but I just haven't felt the need to. Everything going on in my life is on Facebook; I post everything as its happening...but what I'm blogging about today I don't need everyone on Facebook to know.
A few months ago I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with severe depression. I take a pill every morning but I'm not too sure if it's doing anything or not.
I don't want to be a whiny baby but I can't keep this inside anymore.
I'm tired of crying.
Last night a friend called me to talk..he told me something that really hit me hard. All he said was "You're worth a lot." Or something like that. Normal people don't feel less than worthless. What's wrong with me?
It's not that I cry all the time, there are moments that I'm happy. I just feel completely hopeless. About everything.
My job is going nowhere. My savings is disappearing. I'm never going to get my car back. I can't even afford the gas to get to my job everyday. I have like two real friends. I have no money. I can't see anything to look forward to.
I'm not going to end my life or anything, I'm just forcing myself to live each day.
I've been trying to focus on the little things that make me happy, like my cousins' smiles or my friend giving me a teddy bear, or my mom sending me a package, or my sister helping me out when I know she's barely getting by....
and here I am crying again. It's pathetic and I know it. But I don't know how to fix it.
I've been working on eating healthier and I think it's helping me feel a little better. Brittany helped me grocery shop and now I'm eating sandwiches and salad instead of hamburgers and chicken nuggets.
I'm not sure what this post is about, maybe I'm just clearing my head.
I really appreciate my family and friends who have been helping me and offering help through everything that's going on lately. You're helping me so much more than you could ever know. I think I have to help myself now...
Where to start?
A few months ago I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with severe depression. I take a pill every morning but I'm not too sure if it's doing anything or not.
I don't want to be a whiny baby but I can't keep this inside anymore.
I'm tired of crying.
Last night a friend called me to talk..he told me something that really hit me hard. All he said was "You're worth a lot." Or something like that. Normal people don't feel less than worthless. What's wrong with me?
It's not that I cry all the time, there are moments that I'm happy. I just feel completely hopeless. About everything.
My job is going nowhere. My savings is disappearing. I'm never going to get my car back. I can't even afford the gas to get to my job everyday. I have like two real friends. I have no money. I can't see anything to look forward to.
I'm not going to end my life or anything, I'm just forcing myself to live each day.
I've been trying to focus on the little things that make me happy, like my cousins' smiles or my friend giving me a teddy bear, or my mom sending me a package, or my sister helping me out when I know she's barely getting by....
and here I am crying again. It's pathetic and I know it. But I don't know how to fix it.
I've been working on eating healthier and I think it's helping me feel a little better. Brittany helped me grocery shop and now I'm eating sandwiches and salad instead of hamburgers and chicken nuggets.
I'm not sure what this post is about, maybe I'm just clearing my head.
I really appreciate my family and friends who have been helping me and offering help through everything that's going on lately. You're helping me so much more than you could ever know. I think I have to help myself now...
Where to start?
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
summer is coming to its end....
I'll just straight up say it: Being on your own sucks. It's true. I never did anything for myself before I moved out. Never paid for my own gas. Never had to buy my own food. In fact, never really had a job. Now I find myself looking at $46 paychecks wondering what the heck to do.
I'm "working" at Dominos. I love it there but I say I'm "working" there because of my last paycheck. Forty-six dollars. I get paid every two weeks. You can bet that after I got that check I started asking for more hours. My phone bill is sixty dollars a month, I'd like to have more than thirty dollars for everything else.
I called my boss today to let him know that I am available to work Sundays. I'll get more hours now. After Tuesday I can get more hours too. I can go hang door coupon things. Word on the street is Andy (my boss) wants a day driver. I mentioned to him today that I'd like to be considered for that position after Tuesday.
Every morning I bring Jakob to school and Aidan to Geanette's. Every Wednesday I go with my sisters to Taylorsville to eat breakfast with Josh, Scott and Austin. Every Saturday Kim sleeps over and goes to church with me in the morning. She also does my laundry with hers. I appreciate that.
I have very good friends, family and coworkers who give me advice and help me keep my head up. People here look out for me and I know I'm very lucky to have such awesome people who love me. Thank you Tara for letting me live with your family and being so sweet to me.
I am very thankful to my parents. I miss them with more than all of my being and I try to talk to them daily. I've never been the kind of teenager to dislike my parents, in fact, they are two of my favorite people in the whole world. I very much admire them. I hate being so far from them:(
6 days til I turn 18. All I wanted for my birthday was to spend the day with my parents....for my dad to take me out for a shake, but because of terrible people I do not get a shake with my dad. You can read all about that on my mom's blog. I still get to see my mom though, her and Doug are coming down now and will be going back to Wyoming on Sunday and my mom will come back Tuesday for me:)
I have 4 birthday presents so far, 3 are from me. I bought myself a sweater, some chocolate and a ring. I'm not touching the ring or chocolate until the 31st, I wore the sweater today. The 4th present is a doll from my grandpa's wife. I cannot wait to open it.
Anyway, that's my life. My grandpa's here now so I'll post something maybe in a month or so:)
I'm "working" at Dominos. I love it there but I say I'm "working" there because of my last paycheck. Forty-six dollars. I get paid every two weeks. You can bet that after I got that check I started asking for more hours. My phone bill is sixty dollars a month, I'd like to have more than thirty dollars for everything else.
I called my boss today to let him know that I am available to work Sundays. I'll get more hours now. After Tuesday I can get more hours too. I can go hang door coupon things. Word on the street is Andy (my boss) wants a day driver. I mentioned to him today that I'd like to be considered for that position after Tuesday.
Every morning I bring Jakob to school and Aidan to Geanette's. Every Wednesday I go with my sisters to Taylorsville to eat breakfast with Josh, Scott and Austin. Every Saturday Kim sleeps over and goes to church with me in the morning. She also does my laundry with hers. I appreciate that.
I have very good friends, family and coworkers who give me advice and help me keep my head up. People here look out for me and I know I'm very lucky to have such awesome people who love me. Thank you Tara for letting me live with your family and being so sweet to me.
I am very thankful to my parents. I miss them with more than all of my being and I try to talk to them daily. I've never been the kind of teenager to dislike my parents, in fact, they are two of my favorite people in the whole world. I very much admire them. I hate being so far from them:(
6 days til I turn 18. All I wanted for my birthday was to spend the day with my parents....for my dad to take me out for a shake, but because of terrible people I do not get a shake with my dad. You can read all about that on my mom's blog. I still get to see my mom though, her and Doug are coming down now and will be going back to Wyoming on Sunday and my mom will come back Tuesday for me:)
I have 4 birthday presents so far, 3 are from me. I bought myself a sweater, some chocolate and a ring. I'm not touching the ring or chocolate until the 31st, I wore the sweater today. The 4th present is a doll from my grandpa's wife. I cannot wait to open it.
Anyway, that's my life. My grandpa's here now so I'll post something maybe in a month or so:)
Monday, July 5, 2010
On My Own
Great, now I have that song stuck in my head. I'll have to watch it on YouTube.
Anyways, this is a weird thing for me, being on my own. I can leave whenever I want, I can go wherever I want and I can do what I want. I don't have to ask permission from anyone. It's very odd I tell you.
So far, Tara has been fabulous. She lets me drink her milk and doesn't mind that I'm taking up space and use her internet. She lets me use her bathroom, laundry room and her kitchen. And as much as I love Jakob and Aidan, Tara and Rich make sure I get some time to myself each day. I appreciate that. They even bought a zebra curtain for my closet and worked together to paint my light switch plate thing like a zebra. LaDawn is letting me use her futon and Kim is helping me with laundry.
I like being this close to family. I went to Will's last night, it was awesome. Kim lives two exits away on the freeway. Britt lives a few blocks away. Allison is close too. I need to go see her.
I have missed my parents since the moment they left my sight on Wednesday night. I miss having my mom check on me before she went to bed. I miss asking her what's for dinner. I miss Doug telling me to get him a soda or hand him the remote. I miss my mom telling me to vacuum or sweep or clean my room. I miss being told to brush my face and wash my teeth each night:)
I miss being told not to stay up too late and to turn off my playstation. I miss my dad asking me to watch Wipeout with him or going for a walk with my parents. I miss watching Doug look for motorcycles on the internet and going to City Market with my mom.
There are many ups and downs to being on my own but I have many people around me to make me feel better. I'm still only a few days into it, so hopefully I can get a job soon and get accustomed to things....
Friday, June 25, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
THE ONE YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR
My seminary talk!
Well actually this is the talk I gave today in church. But it's almost exactly the talk I gave at graduation.
I wasn’t going to let the bishopric know when I was moving so they couldn’t ask me to speak but unfortunately, my mom spilled the beans. So I decided to cheat by modifying the talk I gave at seminary graduation.
The theme for this year’s graduation was Helaman 5:12
“And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall.”
When looking for articles online I came across the Q&A section in the December 2007 New Era. I decided to use this article as my outline because by the end of seminary, students are getting ready to go off on their own. The Question is “How can I strengthen my testimony to make sure I stay strong in the gospel?”
Elder Wirthlin gave five answers which can help us all stay strong in the gospel.
First, have effective daily scripture study. For me, I have found that the best way to have meaningful scripture study is to not have a set goal of what to read in one sitting. This may sound backwards, but if I say to myself “I’m going to read 5 chapters tonight” then I hurry through the 5 chapters, not really paying attention to what I’m reading. And if I can’t get through 5 chapters in a night because I’m busy or something, I get discouraged and I fall behind in my reading schedule and eventually I give up. So instead of sitting down with the scriptures and telling myself how much to read or how long I’m going to read, I sit down and tell myself that I am going to read until I feel I have read something that can benefit me.
Second, make sure you are worthy to have the Spirit with you. I know for myself that life seems to go smoother when I have the Spirit with me. It’s not that I don’t have challenges or trials, but with a constant companionship of the Holy Ghost, these hardships are easier to get through. When you have the Spirit with you everything is different, when looking at people you pass everyday, instead of seeing strangers or acquaintances, you see Children of God. The Spirit tends to make you more optimistic, more caring to all you come across and more likely to make the correct choices.
Third, don’t overlook your sins, even the small ones. This can be as simple as apologizing to a family member for yelling at them. Small sins people tend to overlook are things like gossip and little white lies. One red flag I have come across is when people say “It’s not that bad,” because if it’s not that bad, then it’s not that good either. The things we watch, listen to and say can drive the Spirit away. All sins pull you away from the Lord’s Spirit, whether they be small or big. Try to be more aware of your thoughts, actions and habits each day. Changing little things can make a huge difference.
Fourth, take some time to evaluate your testimony. I don’t think I do this as often as I should, but writing this talk helped me because I got to write down my own testimony. Writing down your testimony is a great way to evaluate yourself and your beliefs. The last time I did this was before giving a Book of Mormon to a teacher and friend. I wrote down my testimony on the inside cover and I know it really helped remind me of everything I believe and made me realized where I can use a little work.
Do you go to church because you believe it, want to worship God and to learn more? Or do you go out of habit and because your friends are there? I’d like to think I go for the right reasons, and I’ve never thought about not going, but I’m about to be making my own decisions so I have been praying to make the right choices and stay active. If you’re not sure about your testimony, start with Christ, make him your foundation. He is a “sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build, they cannot fall.”
Finally, confirm to yourself what you know by sharing your beliefs with someone else. Write it in the cover of a Book of Mormon and give it to a friend, bear your testimony at church and to others. Make it a goal to have everyone around you know what you believe and don’t let your actions make anyone ever doubt what you stand for. Build a testimony that is strong and will keep you from straying even the teeniest bit. Sharing your testimony not only lets others know what you believe and helps strengthen them, but it helps your own testimony continue to grow stronger.
One thing that has helped me in my life is just remembering. When I was younger, before I went anywhere I was told “Remember who you are and what you represent!” Remembering who you are changes what you do. You are a child of God and you represent Him everywhere you go. You carry the name of Christ and are expected to live a certain way because of it.
I know that I am a chosen daughter of God and that every decision I make matters. I know that Christ lives and that through His atonement, I can be made perfect and worthy to be in God’s presence. I am thankful to my mother, for bringing an amazing father into my life and I’m also thankful for Doug for being the kind of father who deserves to be celebrated today. Until I was 12, Father’s Day was just another Sunday to me. I never had anyone who deserved to be thanked or even acknowledged as a father figure in my life. Then I got Doug. I know that he is in my life for a reason and he is who was meant to be my father on this Earth and for the rest of eternity. I know that this is the only true church and that we are a chosen generation. Just as Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us, I know that Satan has a plan as well. I hope that we all choose to follow God’s plan for us and stay strong in this gospel. I pray that we each continue down the right path, surround ourselves with the right people and make the right decisions.
Well actually this is the talk I gave today in church. But it's almost exactly the talk I gave at graduation.
I wasn’t going to let the bishopric know when I was moving so they couldn’t ask me to speak but unfortunately, my mom spilled the beans. So I decided to cheat by modifying the talk I gave at seminary graduation.
The theme for this year’s graduation was Helaman 5:12
“And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall.”
When looking for articles online I came across the Q&A section in the December 2007 New Era. I decided to use this article as my outline because by the end of seminary, students are getting ready to go off on their own. The Question is “How can I strengthen my testimony to make sure I stay strong in the gospel?”
Elder Wirthlin gave five answers which can help us all stay strong in the gospel.
First, have effective daily scripture study. For me, I have found that the best way to have meaningful scripture study is to not have a set goal of what to read in one sitting. This may sound backwards, but if I say to myself “I’m going to read 5 chapters tonight” then I hurry through the 5 chapters, not really paying attention to what I’m reading. And if I can’t get through 5 chapters in a night because I’m busy or something, I get discouraged and I fall behind in my reading schedule and eventually I give up. So instead of sitting down with the scriptures and telling myself how much to read or how long I’m going to read, I sit down and tell myself that I am going to read until I feel I have read something that can benefit me.
Second, make sure you are worthy to have the Spirit with you. I know for myself that life seems to go smoother when I have the Spirit with me. It’s not that I don’t have challenges or trials, but with a constant companionship of the Holy Ghost, these hardships are easier to get through. When you have the Spirit with you everything is different, when looking at people you pass everyday, instead of seeing strangers or acquaintances, you see Children of God. The Spirit tends to make you more optimistic, more caring to all you come across and more likely to make the correct choices.
Third, don’t overlook your sins, even the small ones. This can be as simple as apologizing to a family member for yelling at them. Small sins people tend to overlook are things like gossip and little white lies. One red flag I have come across is when people say “It’s not that bad,” because if it’s not that bad, then it’s not that good either. The things we watch, listen to and say can drive the Spirit away. All sins pull you away from the Lord’s Spirit, whether they be small or big. Try to be more aware of your thoughts, actions and habits each day. Changing little things can make a huge difference.
Fourth, take some time to evaluate your testimony. I don’t think I do this as often as I should, but writing this talk helped me because I got to write down my own testimony. Writing down your testimony is a great way to evaluate yourself and your beliefs. The last time I did this was before giving a Book of Mormon to a teacher and friend. I wrote down my testimony on the inside cover and I know it really helped remind me of everything I believe and made me realized where I can use a little work.
Do you go to church because you believe it, want to worship God and to learn more? Or do you go out of habit and because your friends are there? I’d like to think I go for the right reasons, and I’ve never thought about not going, but I’m about to be making my own decisions so I have been praying to make the right choices and stay active. If you’re not sure about your testimony, start with Christ, make him your foundation. He is a “sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build, they cannot fall.”
Finally, confirm to yourself what you know by sharing your beliefs with someone else. Write it in the cover of a Book of Mormon and give it to a friend, bear your testimony at church and to others. Make it a goal to have everyone around you know what you believe and don’t let your actions make anyone ever doubt what you stand for. Build a testimony that is strong and will keep you from straying even the teeniest bit. Sharing your testimony not only lets others know what you believe and helps strengthen them, but it helps your own testimony continue to grow stronger.
One thing that has helped me in my life is just remembering. When I was younger, before I went anywhere I was told “Remember who you are and what you represent!” Remembering who you are changes what you do. You are a child of God and you represent Him everywhere you go. You carry the name of Christ and are expected to live a certain way because of it.
I know that I am a chosen daughter of God and that every decision I make matters. I know that Christ lives and that through His atonement, I can be made perfect and worthy to be in God’s presence. I am thankful to my mother, for bringing an amazing father into my life and I’m also thankful for Doug for being the kind of father who deserves to be celebrated today. Until I was 12, Father’s Day was just another Sunday to me. I never had anyone who deserved to be thanked or even acknowledged as a father figure in my life. Then I got Doug. I know that he is in my life for a reason and he is who was meant to be my father on this Earth and for the rest of eternity. I know that this is the only true church and that we are a chosen generation. Just as Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us, I know that Satan has a plan as well. I hope that we all choose to follow God’s plan for us and stay strong in this gospel. I pray that we each continue down the right path, surround ourselves with the right people and make the right decisions.
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